Kiss and Tell
by eulpie
Summary: Humanstuck!AU with a slightly Homophobic!Karkat. Terezi convinces Karkat to kiss a boy, much to his disdain!
1. Boy Smoochies?

Humanstuck!AU with a slightly Homophobic!Karkat. o: This maaaaaay be based on a real life situation!

* * *

After serious consideration, Karkat frowned at the girl in his lap, pursing his lips in such an annoyed fashion as the question she had presented still lingered on his mind.

"Ugh," he sighed, leaning back into the couch.

"You don't have to," came the sigh of the redhead, her forehead suddenly on his shoulder.

Karkat's eyebrows scrunched together with thought as he replayed those words. He knew he didn't _have_ to. but if Terezi thought it was **hot**, her certainly wanted to. While, at the same time, he _didn't_ want to.

"It's just gross."

"_I _kiss you, Karkat," her voice was wavering now, fluctuating between irritation and conviction.

"Yeah, but, that's different."

The couple had been discussing one of Terezi's weirder fantasies; to watch her loved one kiss the same gender. She had presented the strange kink to Karkat a few days prior, and the debate on it had continued ever since. Karkat had declined angrily at first, but had since been exposed to the idea ever since. He, truthfully, didn't know how to think about it. On one hand, he was attracted to girls, but that wasn't a valid argument to make for Terezi's response would remain "Kissing a boy won't make you gay."

The albino groaned, rubbing his face. He brushed a few strands of his dyed-black from his face as he struggled to keep a straight mind as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Fine," he spoke slowly through his teeth.

Ignoring the anger in his tone, Terezi bounced with excitement slightly, sitting up in his lap and crashing their lips together giddily. As she pulled back, she grinned at him, her teal eyes searching his red ones.

"With tongue!"

Karkat groaned loudly.

"And hip grinding," she cooed, her eyes flooding with lust. Karkat made his disdain audible as he threw his head back.

"You're killing me," he mumbled.

"Are you gonna be on top or bottom?"

"What?"

Terezi grinned with her teeth, snickering pleasantly. "You get to choose, you know. Whatever makes you comfortable!"

"It's going to be g..._gay_ no matter what."

Terezi frowned at the slightly offensive remark. "Don't be such a homophobe."

"I'm not! I...I just don't want to kiss a boy. Would you want to kiss a girl?"

Terezi chuckled. "I have, you dumbass."

Karkat rolled his eyes.

"Who are you gonna pick?"

"What?"

"Well it can't just be some random stranger. It's gotta be someone you can trust, rigt? Like...Gamzee, or Sollux?"

The male's eyes widened. He had to _choose_? "N-no way."

"Yeah! We'll call them over tonight," replied Terezi as she slipped out of his lap, sauntering over into the kitchen to fetch her cellphone off the countertop. "Let's get this party started! Who's it gonna be?"

Karkat choked slightly, his eyes wide and observant as she waited for an answer.


	2. Who You Gonna Call (for Boy Smoochies)?

"I don't know," Karkat finally croaked, wringing his hands feverishly. He could feel the red in his cheeks as he thought about kissing one of his best friends. He frowned slightly at the thought as well. He couldn't pick. It was more of a "who won't ridicule me" as opposed to "who do I wanna exchange saliva with?"

"Give me a moment," he groaned, pulling a couch pillow over his face. He breathed into it heavily as he thought, going over the list of the few male friends he had.

John Egbert. The fucking prankster little dick of the group. He was scratched off the list immediately due to the fact that he was a huge asshole. Plus, he'd never let it go.

Dave Strider. Karkat's, like, best bro. Wow; no, for so many reasons. The main being the guy was, like, madly fucking in love with John or something.

Equius Zahhak. He would probably break Karkat's hips if they ground them together, so no. Plus, Karkat never really particularly fancied the guy's demeanor.

Eridan Ampora. Uhh...if it weren't for their past, Karkat might oblige, but the once-best-bros-that-drifted-apart-because-of-certain-events-involving-the-entire-group-and-angry-exchange-of-words were not going to get a kiss in. Nope.

Tavros Nitram. Like, the guy...held no endearment to Karkat, really. They were friends and they talked, but the two had never been completely alone together, unless you count Pesterchum. Karkat shook his head. Plus his weird septum piercing was a little off-putting.

Sollux Captor. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA no. Karkat loved the guy like a brother. Which would make the experience so much weirder.

That left...

"Give me the phone," Karkat sighed, extending his hand to Terezi. She smiled and placed it in his hand gently obediently. Her smile lingered as her boyfriend scrolled through her contacts, hitting one and pressing the phone to his ear. It rang a few times before a familiar voice answered.

"Hello?"

Karkat held his breath.

"Hey, Gamzee."

"Hey! What's up, brother?"

Terezi's smile faded but excitement remained in her stomach as the butterflies tumbled close to her loins. The thought and anticipation was getting her bothered and hot. Even if Karkat's choice _was_ Gamzee mother fucking Makara. She hated that guy, but in a sort of...friendly way? It didn't matter, though. She was actually hoping Karkat would pick him.

She snapped back to focus as Karkat continued to sputter out the right words. She zoned back in near the end of the conversation. "...and, so, I don't know. You don't have to, but Terezi's really into the idea and you're my best friend, I think, and...I would prefer it to be you, or whatever, and...Gamzee?"

"Sure, bro."

Karkat melted slightly, releasing his tight grip on the phone and sinking back slightly. "Good."


	3. Boy Smoochies!

Minutes ticked by as an impatient Terezi and an anxious Karkat sat together on the couch in wait. Gamzee had told his bro he needed to take care of something before coming over, and would arrive at roughly 930pm. It was only 9 at the time being, but Karkat had insisted on sitting and waiting for the clown.

Noting his nervousness, Terezi turned her gaze to Karkat, smiling reassuringly. "You can back out whenever you want, Karkat."

He shook his head impetuously. "No."

The girl smiled wide at the sound of that decline. "Alright. Do you want to practice?"

Karkat gulped hard, looking her over, studying her front. He drank in her beautiful teal eyes and thick black eyelashes behind red lenses, tempted to reach out and brush her ginger bangs from her freckled face. He managed a smile, but his eyebrows contorted. "What?"

"Close your eyes, and pretend I'm Gam-ham, okay?"

Grumpily and nearly reluctantly, Karkat shut his eyes tight. He bit his lip momentarily as he tried to replace Terezi with his best friend. He tried to picture him vividly as Terezi's hand cupped his face, the teen's breathing picking up as their lips brushed. Instead of the red lips of Terezi, he thought of the rough lips of Gamzee. Their lips locked and he took in a sharp breath through his nose. For once, his loins hardly reacted to the contact as his eyes remained shut.

With the sight of Gamzee still in his mind, their lips remained clasped. Reaching up, running his hand through soft locks, he tried to instead picture, not ginger hair, but black and messy locks. His opposing limb came up to Terezi's jaw, where he gently caressed, not pale skin, but a dark tanned man's skin.

They broke at the sound of a knock on the front door. Taking in choppy breaths, Karkat wiped his lips, realizing how much he had slobbered, as Terezi shot up and skipped to the door. It opened, and Karkat's stomach churned. What he thought had prepared him seemed futile now that he was faced by the man he was to kiss. He gulped as Terezi lead Gamzee back into the living room.

"Hey, best friend," Gamzee prompted.

Karkat raised a hand in greeting, averting his eyes to the floor.

Gamzee chuckled. "Hey, bro, don't get so worked up about it. It's all motherfuckin' good in the dang hood."

Karkat choked slightly. "L-let's just get this over with. Please?"

"Look, motherfucker. Ya'll don't gotta kiss me."

The cancer shuddered. Hearing Gamzee say it so bluntly obliterated the lack of reality he had recently felt, everything seeming too real now. "I want to," he sighed.

"I was gonna all up and bring ya something to ease your mind about this," Gamzee began, taking a seat next to his friend on the couch. Karkat grumbled softly, eyeing the man quietly at he continued. "But then I remembered how angry ya'll get when you're all up and high, so I decided not to."

Karkat groaned in reply as Gamzee grinned at him, then up at Terezi. "Are we gonna all up and rumble in the bedroom?" He heard the clown inquiry.

"It's up to Karkat," Terezi gestured to the albino at Gamzee's side, who rubbed his flushed cheek feverishly. He sat up straight, inhaling through his teeth deeply, before turning completely to Gamzee. "Kiss me on the couch, first."

Gamzee laughed softly before nudging closer obediently, slipping a hand behind Karkat's head. The albino stared, wide-eyed, into Gamzee's hooded ones. Damn, he always looked so stoned. Which, in reality, was good for everyone for...criminal reasons. He shook his head of that thought as Gamzee leaned in closer, their foreheads touching.

"Close your eyes, Karbro."

Eyes shut tight, Karkat swallowed hard, barring his teeth but letting his lips fall open gently. Suddenly, there were moist lips on his, causing him to jerk back slightly. His eyes fluttered open and before him was the same relaxed face, patient eyes on him and dull smile on his dark lips. For the first time that evening, Karkat realized he was free of his makeup.

"Sorry," he breathed. His eyes peeled from Gamzee as he moved back slightly, out of Gamzee's grip, to peer up at Terezi. The redhead had her hands over her mouth, hiding the smile under them as her eyes wandered over the two excitedly. She seemed to be enjoying this _way_ too much.

"Awesome," she sighed.

Karkat drew in another well-deserved amount of air before standing to his feet. He wavered slightly, the blood rushing to his legs. Steadying himself, he looked to Gamzee expectantly, who followed him to his own feet. "Alright," he groaned. "Let's get to the fucking bedroom and be done with this."

The walk to the bedroom felt like miles. Or did it go by too quick? Either way, Karkat couldn't decide which one he would have preferred. Terezi was suddenly close by his side, her fingers intertwined with his. She was as giddy as ever, with a hint of lust in her aura. Karkat could feel it in the way she gripped his hand; he was definitely getting some tonight. But from _who_ was the pressing question for him right now.

Gamzee opened the door to the bedroom. He had been here so many times before that he felt obligated to live here sometimes. If it weren't for Karkat's older brother, Kankri, Gamzee and Terezi probably **would** live in the Vantas household.

The door clicked behind them, and Karkat sat himself on the bed. He stared up at Gamzee, half-dreading and strangely half-anticipating the events to follow. Gamzee knelt into the bed, one knee at Karkat's hip, the other foot still firm on the floor. He placed one hand on the gray sheets behind Karkat, the other hand lacing through Karkat's hair, carefully laying him down.

"You ready, bro?" Gamzee cooed, bringing his other knee up to straddle the smaller man under him. The bed suddenly sunk in slightly as Terezi took a seat a few feet away from them, laying on her stomach and watching intently.

"Just fucking go on, then," Karkat said in a voice smaller than he had pried for.

Gamzee gave him a quick grin before leaning down, brushing his lips over Karkat's softly. They shared a simultaneous breath briefly before the albino let out a soft sound as he lifted his chin up reluctantly. Suddenly, he was kissing Gamzee. Deeply this time; hard. He stifled the need to pull away as Gamzee's lips began to move. Uneasily, Karkat returned the favor. He was suddenly falling into rhythm, his hips began rocking slightly. His eyes shut tight as he tried to focus on the feeling rather the man above him.

Disgusted by the growing sensation in his own pants, he kissed upward harder, his tongue suddenly playing an active role. He could feel Gamzee tense slightly before fending off the tongue with his own.

They broke for air, only to have the sound of Terezi suffocating a squeal flood his ears as Karkat was the one to return to the kiss hastily. Nearly ashamed of himself for not entirely hating this, Karkat was afraid to let his hands roam over his best friend's body. He began to rock his hips against Gamzee's, startled by the stiffness that met his stomach.

Gamzee pulled up slightly, drowning in the intimacy and suddenly appearing drunk on the intensity. He managed a soft "Sorry," before his lips found Karkat's neck. The man under him tensed, his hips rubbing against Gamzee's involuntarily at the feeling of teeth grinding against his neck. His eyes fell closed and his expression contorted.

"Fuck," he groaned as Gamzee covered him in kisses. The albino was barely able to register the sound of Terezi melting beside him. He knew that, in the back of his mind, she was prone to maybe touching herself; she was weird like that. But when he managed to turn his head as Gamzee nuzzled into his shoulder, planting bites and sloppy kisses that he found himself enjoying, she was simply staring. Her elbows were supporting the hands that held either side of her face, her cheeks pushing her red glasses up slightly, her plump red lips grinning just enough to show a smidgen of teeth. She looked oh, so _satisfied_, and the realization of borderline publicity made Karkat's length throb.

Tugging on Gamzee's hair gently, he managed to free himself. He stared up at Gamzee, who grinned down at him.

"Sorry, brother. I got carried the motherfuck away in you," the clown didn't _look_ very apologetic.

Karkat's chest convulsed slightly. "Flattering," he said shortly.

"You guys should do that more often," Terezi breathed, climbing to her knees as she scooted closer. She leaned down, planting a kiss on Karkat's lips.

"Ugh, no fucking way," Karkat groaned, sitting up on his elbows. He grinned sheepishly to himself as Terezi and Gamzee began to fantasize about a threesome. It made his face burn.

_I liked that too much,_ he admitted to himself.


End file.
